The Life of leg.louisa

Dear beloved readers, 

I hope you are all having a great day, not just a good day! 

As you might recall from my last post I recently did my annual rewatch of the 2003 Christmas classic: Love Actually. I snuggled up with a friend and approximately 5 minutes after pressing play we entered into a discussion about which plotlines from the movie we loved and which we hated. 

As a refresher, I’ll break down the film’s structure and each storyline. Also, this is your official spoiler warning. If you haven’t seen it and want to go in blind, go ahead and click off now, then come back once you’re done. 

The movie has a braided narrative structure–9 seemingly independent plotlines that connect one way or another and ultimately come together in the end. The opening quote, delivered via voiceover courtesy of Hugh Grant: “If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around,” more or less sums it up. Set in London at Christmastime, it follows all sorts of love related dynamics. Platonic, romantic, sexual, familial, as well as a fair share of stories of heartbreak. 

Given the format, it’s only natural that everybody has a different take on which subplots beat the others out. So when my friend and I were having a debate of our own, I decided to try to find a comprehensive list of all of the plotlines to supplement our conversation, only to be shocked by the first article I stumbled across. The article was one author’s opinion about how the storylines ranked and was almost impossibly different from mine. So, I decided to take a stab at it myself. Without further ado, here is my ranking of the 9 plots from Love Actually (2003).

9. That Other Guy Who’s in Love With His Friend’s Wife – Ranked #8 in the article I saw

I hate this plotline so much. Like so so much. And it’s all the more irksome that probably the most iconic frame from this movie is from this stupid part. 

Like oh my god, what? CREEPY. THAT’S WHAT THIS IS. ‘The Other Guy’ films the wedding video of his best friend’s ceremony and reception and then oh wait he was actually just only filming the wife (named Juliet btw, eyeroll) because despite him being a jerk to her the whole movie he’s actually…in love with her? He shows up at her door and silently confesses with posterboards, and SHE ACTUALLY ENTERTAINS HIM!!! After his lame display, he leaves, but not before she chases him down and KISSES HIM in the street. Mind you, her husband/his best friend is inside the whole time. But Merry Christmas, right?

8. That One Guy Who Goes to America – Ranked #9 in the article I saw

This just could’ve been cut entirely. That One Guy goes to America to get laid because American girls looove British guys. Boooooo! The humor was lowbrow and the story was shallow. The only semi-pro of this one is his bromance with his bestie. Also, it reeks of misogyny. Next! 

7. The X-Rated Meet Cute – Ranked #2 in the article I saw 

Possibly a hot take, but personally this storyline doesn’t resonate with me at all. A man and woman meet on set as body-doubles while filming an *ahem* adult film, then eventually get to chatting, catch feelings for one another, and end up engaged by the end. Cute? Sure, why not? But for me it was as flavorful as unseasoned boiled chicken and had too many cringe-worthy moments. Given the mood I’m in there’s a 50/50 chance I’d fast-forward through their scenes together. 

6. Laura Linney Lusts After a Hot Coworker (Improbably Named Karl) – Ranked #6 in the article I saw 

This one makes me sad. Poor Laura Linney can’t catch a break. She’s been hopelessly in love with her sexy coworker for years, and when he finally looks her way he ends up losing interest because she seems preoccupied. However the audience gets to see that she’s actually the primary caretaker for her mentally ill adult brother, and has to be there for him. The romantic buildup before the let-down is cute, but overall this is just a bummer. 

5. Aging Rock Star Has One Last Hurrah – Ranked #1 in the article I saw

One of the few that portrays non-romantic love, this plotline is undeniably sweet. However, I find Billy Mack to be irritating and even when voicing his decision to spend Christmas with his true (platonic) love, his manager, he comes off as inauthentic compared to other characters in the movie. I honestly prefer the comedic relief of his song, Christmas is All Around, more than his dynamic with his best friend. 

4. The No Good, Very Bad Cheating Husband – Ranked #3 in the article I saw

This one and the one in slot 3 are honestly pretty neck-and-neck. This one feels like the heart of the whole movie. Also, so many of the scenes are just golden. The one where Emma Thompson is crying to Joni Mitchell because she knows her husband is being unfaithful, ugh my heart. And the one where Mr. Bean is being a menace to Alan Rickman at the mall is so good. The main reason why it’s not higher is because I hate the cheating secretary–which I know is the whole point of her character–but I digress. 

3. Colin Firth’s Love Language – Ranked #5 in the article I saw

Somehow always getting the shorter end of the stick of romance, this plotline opens with Colin Firth getting cheated on by his girlfriend (with his brother, ouch), then he relocates to the French countryside where he meets Portuguese-speaking Aurelia. Their story follows them spending time together and falling for one another despite the communication barrier, then they unknowingly learn each other’s language and live happily ever after. It is a bit fantastical–like how can you say you’re in love and propose after only knowing each other for 5 weeks especially when you couldn’t talk to each other? But I have to admit it is still so swoon-worthy. Solidly in the top 3. 

2. The Stepdad and Cute Kid Who Bond Over the Mystery of Girls – Ranked #7 in the article I saw

This is actually what inspired this post. When I say I was appalled by how low this was ranked in this original article, I was APPALLED. The appeal to this storyline isn’t how sweet little Thomas Brodie Sangster successfully woos his classmate, though that’s a bonus. It’s that following the death of the Stepdad’s wife/Cute Kid’s mom, they figure out how to navigate life and grief together, and are able to build a close relationship where ultimately the Cute Kid acknowledges the Stepdad as just ‘Dad’ instead of ‘Daniel’.

1. Prime Minister In Love – Ranked #4 in the article I saw

What more could you ask from a Christmas Romcom? Hugh Grant, check. Cute love interest, check. Public declaration of love, check. Need I say more? This is wholesome from beginning to end, and has the perfect balance between romantic lighthearted comedy and tension/conflict. No notes! Also, the opening monologue from the Prime Minister is probably one of my favorites of all time. 

Overall, even though I definitely have a bone to pick with a few aspects of this movie, you better believe that I’m going to rewatch it at least once if not twice or even thrice when the Christmas season rolls around each year. 

Bisous,

leg.louisa